Birthday Babble...Bathroom Prayer...

I started this blog with the intent to keep it updated regularly. FAIL!

My thoughts:

-If I have time to blog, I have time to do more editing on my dissertation… *sigh*

-If I have time to blog, I have time to catch up on some “leisure” reading

-If I have time to blog, I have time to teach my son to ride his bike…. Done! #happy face

-If I have time to blog, I have time to …uhhh?…yeah, you get the point.

I’m reflecting on this past year and I can definitely say that it hasn’t been the worse, but I can be real and transparent enough to admit that I’m not happy and I’m not where I’d thought I’d be at 30. Hard on myself? Totally!  I’m ok with accepting God’s plan and staying within His will and all….I’ve tried boxing with God and my arms are waaaaay too short. So I really don’t have a choice.   Lately, I have had some very low moments, but who would know that? I don’t really talk about that stuff.  I admit, I put on a great game face. I mean, it’s really good!  I need a SAG card.  However, during these “low”  times, I mediate/pray …(I wonder if God ever gets tired of me talking to Him…) I’m starting to understand and see that God is getting me ready for greatness, and the greater my upcoming blessings, the more I must be tested in preparation for them.  I’m human! I DO NOT like the tests, but I LOVE the BLESSINGS!  

Things I’m reflecting on:

I have to admit, having faith and conquering fear are by biggest obstacles. I keep asking myself why I do I constantly struggle with those two so much. Let me introduce you the third “F” word, *gasp* failure!  (and the fourth “F” word…F*%& it! *gasp..again*) I have to constantly remind myself that I’ve already failed when I haven’t properly exercised my faith and given in to fear.  I’m great at supporting and encouraging everyone else to go after their dreams, but I really suck at taking my own advice. Where in the hell are my mentors and advisors? Sheesh!  Anyway…I won’t start my birthday by complaining, because I do have so much to be thankful for. I’m thankful for the intangible blessings and for being able to release all of the “crap” that I’ve been through up until this point…

On my very first day of working as the Acting Head of School of a private Jewish school, I was introduced to the Asher yasher benediction. I have posted the Hebrew and English translation below:

(stay with me…I’m going somewhere with this)…

Ba-ruch  a-tah  A-do-nai E-lo-hei-nu  Me-lech  Ha-o-lam, a-sher  kid-sha-nu  b'mitz-vo-tav v'tzi-va-nu al  n'ti-lat  ya-da-yim.

Blessed are You, HaShem, our God, King of the Universe, who sanctifies us through His commandments and commanded us concerning the elevation of the hands.

Ba-ruch  a-tah  A-do-nai, Elo-hei-nu,  me-lech  l'o-lam, A-sher  ya-tsar et  ha-a-dam  b'choch-mah, u-va-ra  vo n'ka-vim  n'ka-vim, cha-lu-lim  cha-lu-lim, ga-lu  v'ya-du-a lif-nei  chi-sei  ch'vo-de-cha she-im  yi-pa-tei-ach  e-chad  mei-hem o  yi-sa-teim  e-chad  mei-hem, i  ef-shar  l'hit-ka-yeim v'la-a-mod  l'fa-ne-cha [a-fi-lu  sha-ah  e-chat]. Ba-ruch  a-tah  A-do-nai, ro-fei  chawl  ba-sar u-maf-li  la-a-sot.

Blessed are You, HaShem, Our God, Sovereign of Space-Time, Who formed Adam with wisdom and created within him many openings and many cavities. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if one of them were to be ruptured or if one them were to be blocked it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You [for even one hour]. Blessed are You, HaShem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.

The wisdom that lay behind this blessing that was composed by Abayei, a fourth-century Babylonian rabbi. Abayei's blessing is contained in the Talmud, an encyclopedic work of Jewish law and lore that was written over the first five centuries of the common era. The Jewish religion is chock-full of these blessings, or brachot, as they are called in Hebrew…
In all of this rambling. This asher yasher benediction reminds me to:

1)      Obey God’s commandments

2)      Worship Him

3)      Thank God for my “openings” and “cavities” (including my eyes, ears, mouth, rectum, etc)

4)      Thank God that there are “thorns”, but no blockage, for blockage in some areas would cause me to “die”.

To me, fear is a form of blockage….faith is an opening.

I’m thankful for ALL of my “cavities” and “openings”.  I’m releasing my past failures, hurts, illnesses, failure, depression, fear, discouragement, defeat, any and everything that is not of God’s will over my life….
Do you smell that??? *flushes toilet* 

Ready to FULLY exercise my faith and allow God to use me as He sees fit…
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

*Tiny wormy disclaimer---This post has and will not be edited. It’s from the heart and right off of the top of the dome.
**Feel free to comment and add some words of encouragement…